Breakups. Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it, here it go:
Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. It’s miserable, painful, and heartbreaking. When you meet someone and fall in love the last thing you envision is that one day you’ll choose not to have that person in your life, or that they’ll chose not to have you in their life. Everything is perfect and wonderful in the beginning. The future stretches out before you both, bright and limitless. Then one day, things change…and they keep changing until you find yourself on the brink of breakup. You try to hold on, but many find themselves single again. Something never expected.
My boyfriend of nearly 7 years and I broke up right before Christmas. It was a mutual decision, but that didn’t make it an easy decision to make. Let me say something here. This isn’t a blog to bash my ex. I have nothing to say against him. We’re two ridiculously ambitious people who grew apart. Period. What I will say is that he’s a brilliant musician and a dedicated martial artist. Some of my best memories of him are of watching him onstage doing what he loves. My greatest hope and wish for him is that more people get to hear the music of Blackout.
What this blog is about is something I’ve never seen discussed. Whenever people talk about breakups they talk about how to move on, how to deal with your anger, how to handle seeing your ex with someone new. I’m not going to talk about any of that. What I want to talk about is the friendship factor. For me, the friendship factor is huge. My relationship wasn’t all sex (sorry for the “S” word mom and Diane) and mushy stuff, it was also going to concerts together, going to movies, making snarky comments to each other about other people (lol – don’t act like you don’t do it, too!), it was going on vacation and jumping waves together, DVRing our favorite TV shows so we could watch them together, eating ice cream on Sunday while watching Walking Dead. When a relationship ends, you don’t just lose your mate, you lose your friend, and that’s hard. A few times since we split up I’ve found myself about to text him when something cool happened to me, just like I do my girlfriends. Then I stop myself and remember, we’re not friends anymore so I can’t do that.
So how do you recover? I don’t have an answer for that. For me, the friendship aspect of my relationship isn’t something I need to recover from. The relationship drama we weathered is still enough to make me grit my teeth, but when I think of our friendship I smile. The romantic stuff got complicated, but our friendship was always easy.
How do you go forward? I can’t speak for anyone else, but I think that depends on the person. For me it means spending some time alone; healing. I can’t express how much I’m not interested in hooking up with someone else at this point. That means I’m not interested in men pretending to be my friend while they wait for me to decide I’m ready to date again, it means I’m not interested in getting FB messages from men trying to chat me up, it means I’m spending some time alone.
If it’s possible to end a relationship on a good note, I think my ex and I did that. So I’m able to look back fondly on the friendship we shared and move forward with happy memories.